


I have found my pot of gold in you

by ElephantLoveMedley



Series: Nothing matters but you [2]
Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety Attacks, F/M, Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Panic Attacks, Rape/Non-con Elements, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-08
Updated: 2020-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:49:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23067274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElephantLoveMedley/pseuds/ElephantLoveMedley
Summary: It was late. He was reading his new history book and wrapping and unwrapping the tie on his hands. Renee interrupted him."Kevin, I'm going.""What?""I'm going.""Where?""To take Jean."(Or: Jean and Kevin's shared lives and struggles from Kevin's POV)
Relationships: Kevin Day/Jean Moreau, Kevin Day/Thea Muldani
Series: Nothing matters but you [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657633
Comments: 6
Kudos: 126





	I have found my pot of gold in you

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to these songs while writing:
> 
> Nothing matter but you -The young veins  
> Always -Panic! at the disco  
> Mistery of love -Sufjan Stevens
> 
> Also, this is part of a series, but it can be read as a stand alone.  
> I want to thank everyone who commented on the first part of the series and inspired me to keep going. I feel so much for these boys and seeing that other people enjoy reading about them and their happy ending really fills my heart with joy.  
> Thank you so much again, it meant a lot to me to see all that support! 💛💛💛  
> Hope you enjoy this part as well.

Kevin had never liked to lie. He omitted the truth, he hid, he stayed quiet, but his mother had told him that lying was bad, so he tried to avoid it.

When he first found Neil he had told Wymack his honest opinion, the truth, and Wymack had listened. His father had listened, just like his mother had done.

Kevin was really little when his mother passed away, but he could remember when she had sat him down in front of the fire place and had told him that she would always listen to him, if he promised to be truthful. Kevin had learnt that words spoken with honesty had more weight than the messy lies he used to get out of trouble. It didn't matter if it was hard to get it out of his chest, but if it was the truth his mother would accept it and she wouldn't send him to bed without dessert.

That was one of the reasons he couldn't bring himself to eat strudel or butter cookies or that wonderful cheesecake his mother used to bake for his birthday. So many times he had dreamt about the taste of sugar and chocolate on his tongue. So many nights he had spent dreaming about the time when his name was still spelled the right way.

He didn't want to lie, he'd like to think that would make his mama proud. He didn't know her cheesecake recipe and he couldn't remember her smile, but he could still feel that same emotion he felt whenever she told him that she was proud of him. He cherished it. It wasn't a fact, it was more than that, it was ingrained in him, like muscle memory. Kevin wanted to make her proud.

So, when he told Neil that it would be easier if he remained heterosexual, he wasn't lying. After all it was exactly what he and Jean were doing.

Kevin had to run away. He had to run away because Riko had shattered his hand and he was too afraid to discover what the future would hold for a player that couldn't hold his racquet. Kevin had to run away because they couldn't win against them without some help from the outside. 

Jean had held him that night, smiling sadly at him and singing soft french words in his ear. Kevin had cried. He used to cry a lot when it came to Jean, but Jean never told him to stop, he just held him.

Kevin cried because he knew that Ravens travelled in pairs and he knew that Riko would feel off balance after finding out that Kevin was gone. Kevin had cried, but he had a plan.

He had tried to convince Jean to run away with him, but Jean was property and they both knew what the Master was capable of against his best player, they couldn't fathom what would happen to someone lesser.

Jean had held him and told him to do whatever was necessary to win the war, not just a battle.

Kevin had always found relief in Jean's logical mind.

So Kevin made another plan, it broke his heart to just think about it, but he still recounted it to Jean. Kevin would run, that night, the same night Riko had broken his hand and Jean had held him to his chest, one of the few times it was Jean's turn to patch him up. Kevin would run away with the foxes, still in his tux from the banquet, with Jean's tie holding his bones together. Kevin would run and Jean would prepare, because Jean couldn't run and Riko would feel off balance.

It broke Kevin's heart, but Jean kept smiling and nodding and speaking soft french, so Kevin kissed his forehead and brushed his beautiful, beautiful hair with the hand that wouldn't stain it. Jean held his cheeks and wiped away the tears falling from his eyes. Jean was so brave, but Jean was also calculating and Kevin wouldn't have left the Nest and Jean behind if he hadn't been completely sure that the Ravens couldn't afford to lose another piece of the perfect court. They simply couldn't permit it both for the team and for the press. The Master wanted to win, so Jean would stay alive and healthy enough to play.

So Kevin ran that night, covered by Jean and his reputation. He thanked the heavens that, in his bad luck, this all happened to unfold at the banquet, in the open. It would have been nearly impossible for him to run from the Nest. There were so many things he wanted to tell Jean, so many memories they still had to share and moments they had to create, but he cared more about Jean than the thought of him. He left and the only thing he left behind was the lack of Jean's tie around his neck.

He picked up drinking. He picked up dancing. He didn't like dust, because it would let his tongue run loose. Luckily the few times he had slipped he had slipped in french and only Nicky was near him. When he got drunk and he got sad he spoke french, tears fell from his eyes and polished the 2 on his cheek. Those nights were the nights when he started thinking about his life after his hand was all healed. He liked coaching, but he felt like it wasn't his time yet, he had a lot more to give. 

He started making a plan, scheming and calculating, just like Jean. He let his sentiments slip away for a bit, he needed a clear mind. After all, Achilles had won the war, but he had lost the most important battle because of his rage, he had lost Patroclus. Kevin wanted to win that war, win that battle and still be alive to talk about it.

He made a deal with Andrew, he rimended him of Jean in the way he seemed so defeated about the future. They were both keeping up, walking on, but they weren't looking forward to something. Sometimes Kevin got scared, but he had to keep fighting.

Andrew kept him safe, he kept him grounded, but he hadn't the ability to comfort that Jean had. Kevin was still grateful, because when his cast was removed, Andrew promised to bring him to the court every night. Kevin still tried to involve him, but he rarely managed. 

  
The first time Kevin tried to take a shot in goal, after his cast came off, the wall didn't light up red. The goal was empty, Andrew was standing on the rafters and the goal was still blank. Kevin wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, he wanted to go back to the Nest, to Riko and to Jean.

He remembered Jean. He had made a promise. He couldn't go back.

He picked up the ball and aimed again and again and again. The seventh time, the goal glared at him, red and mocking. Andrew stood up and clapped his hands. Kevin knew it was sarcasm, but he still took it as a compliment. Beggars couldn't be choosers after all.

The season after, they had Neil and Kevin walked on court as part of the line up. He was still sloppy at times, but better than any member on his team, except for Andrew, but Andrew was a goalie and quite lazy at that, so it didn't count. 

Neil gave him a reason to get even better. The kid was frustrating, but challenging, and Kevin had always appreciated a challenge.

They lost.

They won.

Seth died.

The team got better.

Wyamck told them to get ready for the banquet.

Kevin drank himself into calmness just to get off that bus. He knew Jean would be there.

Jean was vicious, so Kevin started breathing again. Their plan was working. He caressed the tie he was wearing, it had taken him so much time to scrub off all the blood, but it had been worth it. He let his hand repeat the movement and let the alcohol bring him down, watching Jean - his Jean - through the haze of it. He was still beautiful, still powerful and so, so brave.

Kevin didn't like what Jean had to tell him, about Neil and the Nest, but he still listened, because he had seen the purple marks on Jean's wrists and he knew how much he had to bargain just to let them have some privacy.  
Kevin didn't cry at the marks on Jean's skin, but his eyes watered at the mention of his books. He was sure that Jean had noticed his tie, he was sure that Jean was trying very hard not to touch it or stare at Kevin's hand. Jean didn't quite manage to not let his hands wander to the scar on Kevin's pale skin. Kevin crushed into him and hugged so, so tight he would have been afraid he might have broken Jean, if he hadn't known what he already went through.

He couldn't manage the words, but he knew Jean could tell that he was trying to say that he was proud of him, that they were winning, that he was wearing a scar on his left hand, but that was just proof that they hadn't destroyed them. They were in for the long run, not just the battle.

"Like Alexander." Jean had said, cupping one of Kevin's cheeks.

Kevin let a stray tear fall, but they both pretended not to see it.

That night Kevin fell asleep to the taste of vodka on his tongue and soft humming french in his ears. It didn't matter that he was the one singing it.

Kevin had caved. He had caved and they were going to lose. 

He was the only one that knew about Neil and the Nest. He was afraid for Neil, he was afraid for Jean. He knew Neil would put up a fight and not cooperate, he knew who the new member of the Perfect Court would be paired up with, he knew that the Ravens travelled in pairs.

He texted Neil: Jean would help him, if he helped him back. It was more for Jean than for Neil, but he had to keep being vague.   
Neil didn't reply to his message.

Kevin threw up in the sink, anxiety rising and head spinning. He had caved and now Jean would be discovered, just like the spies in the war, he would suffer because of Kevin's weakness. He turned back to the sink and threw up again. When Aaron noticed, Kevin blamed it on the vodka.

During the winter break Kevin wore only button downs and a single tie. Always the same tie, deep green and frayed edges. Jean used to tell him that it was the colour of his eyes. Kevin didn't believe him, he couldn't remember a time when his eyes hadn't been red.

Neil came back, bruised and battered and barely standing, but he came back. He came back holding a letter. Kevin knew that letter, he had read it so many times he could recite it by heart. The only thing he didn't remember were the stains of blood on the outside, they were fresh, they were Jean's.

Kevin cried himself to sleep that night, a letter on his heart and a tie wrapped up in his hand.

He dreamt about grey eyes and soft, soft hair. He dreamt about the black of that hair and the stark white of his scar.

Kevin hated going to Dobson. He hated going to her because lying became exponentially more difficult, but he wouldn't betray Jean, he wouldn't cave again. So, when she asked about his relationship in the Nest, he resorted to Thea. Thea and Jean where similar, so it was easy: they were both strong and tall and talented, they were both undervalued by Riko and the Master, they had both been kissed by Kevin. 

Kevin remembered that night when he did more than kissing. It had been Thea, not Jean, because Kevin wouldn't do that to Jean. He wouldn't have done it to himself and Thea, if only he had had that choice. He remembered Riko sitting on his bed, Thea and Kevin on the opposite one, under shelves of history books and gold medals. He remembered how beautiful Thea had been and he remembered how he had reacted, she had knowledge that Kevin still didn't posses, but, to be fair, Kevin wasn't sure he wanted it.

Riko, however. Riko was already skilled in that department and he had grown annoyed by Kevin's lack. He had forced him to pick a partner, Kevin still didn't know what he had to pick them for, but he knew he couldn't say Jean, because Jean was property and because Kevin couldn't let their secret spill. He chose Thea because she was so, so good on the court, only second to Jean.

Betsy always told him to keep going, keep speaking, but then she threw in words like rape and consent and Kevin stopped speaking. It hadn't been rape if he had enjoyed it, it hadn't been rape, because Thea hadn't forced him. It hadn't been rape, because Thea and him were in the same situation and that would make Kevin a rapist too.

He thought about Andrew. He screamed at Betsy. He cried. She told him that it was Riko's fault and no one else's. Kevin didn't know if he could believe her.

He remembered that night, after he had finished with Thea and she had thrown sarcasm at him just to cover her vulnerabilities. He remembered Riko laughing and going to find a girl for himself. Kevin had run to Jean and he had tried to tell him what had happened, he remembered recoiling every time Jean had a word for what Kevin didn't know how to describe. Kevin remembered when he realized what Jean had never told him. He was in Jean's arms and, in that moment, every odd bruise on Jean's skin made sense, every bite, every scratch, so much blood. Kevin started sobbing then and Jean started on his lullabies.

Kevin's tears never stopped that night.

They were away. They were at a cabin. Nicky was sharing with Aaron and Renee had strangely insisted to share with Kevin. Kevin didn't mind, he trusted Renee. 

It was late. He was reading his new history book and wrapping and unwrapping the tie on his hands. Renee interrupted him.

"Kevin, I'm going."

"What?"

"I'm going."

"Where?"

"To take Jean."

Kevin wanted to throw up. How had she discovered it? What did he say? He started spiralling.

"Kevin, Kevin." Renee's hand was patting his cheek.

He threw away the covers on his bed. "I'm coming."

Renee pushed him back down. "You're not. I don't know anything about you two, nobody knows anything about you two. I presume it was on purpose. You want to keep it that way?"

He nodded.

"Good."

She went and Kevin went to the bathroom. He threw up, he washed his face, he counted down to 100 in french, he threw up again. He went to the kitchen, a bottle of vodka was staring at him, he brought it back to his room. He wrapped the tie around his neck, he closed his book and he got drunk.   
He tried not to think why Renee had to go now. Why right now?

He found himself in front of Abby's house, hand flexing and eyes panicked. Neil and Andrew forced him through the door, Abby coaxed him to Jean's room.

He was asleep and so so ruined, Kevin wanted to cry. Jean was holding his book and Kevin had a tie folded up in his pocket.

He was afraid of touching Jean, it looked like everything would hurt. Even his soft black hair were ruined and sparse now. Kevin let his hand wander, he settled on Jean's cheek, his eyes were bruised but they jolted awake. 

There were tears, so many tears that Kevin's vision was blurry. Jean cried too, a bit, but it seemed to hurt. Kevin started whispering in french and Jean listened. Word after word after word, Kevin realized that they were together again, they were winning, he could taste it. He smiled at Jean and told him how proud of him he was, how brave he had been, how he was going to win them the world.

Jean believed him, so he smiled.

Kevin went to see him every day after that.

The goal lit up red and the buzzer went off. They had done it. Kevin had done it. 

He took off his helmet and touched the queen on his cheek, he was the rightful heir and he had just proven it. He turned back, frantically looking down the court, he wanted to hug Jean and scream in his ears and run his fingers through his hair, but Jean wasn't there and Riko was screaming and the Foxes were swarming him. He let himself be taken away.

Neil had a deal with Ichirou, Riko had a broken arm, he had just won the championship and Jean was waiting for him in a bed in Abby's house.

Kevin changed out of his gear, took a picture with the cup and congratulated the foxes. He smiled at Wymack, his dad, and ran out of the stadium.

He laid in bed with Jean that night, caressing his cheeks and kissing his hair. Jean held tight on his hand and they were both giddy.

He had never felt that safe. They had won, they had outsmarted them, they had proven their worth.

"Tu as gagné, Jean. Maintenant nous pouvons dire au monde. C'est le nôtre."

They had every right to yell it from the rooftops, everyone would hear it, because they were on top of the world.

Kevin started singing french lullabies.

That night nobody cried.

**Author's Note:**

> "You have won, Jean. We can tell the world now. It is ours."
> 
> Just wanted to say that I'm an idiot and cried at the last parts while editing, even though I completely knew where this was going. I mean, I wrote it. So, yeah, the quality might not be the same in the last part, I just wanted to share it.  
> Thanks again for reading and showing love to these boys!
> 
> Oh, also, I'm figuringthengsout on tumblr, if you want to chat.


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